A Reminder To Embrace
The more I embraced, the more I found about myself, the more I showed up for others, the better advocate I became, the better servant leader I became, the more authentic, the more brave, and the more vulnerable I became. As compassion grew within, the more I was able to give it out externally without the need for it to return.
Perfection
I thought chasing perfection was bold and courageous. The more I learn about embracing my imperfections, the more I understand the true meaning of boldness and courage.
I find myself unlearning a lot, showing up in spaces different, and in some ways the same. I used to step into rooms wanting to be seen, wanting to look the best, be the best, and have the best on my arm. Now I still have internal yearning to be seen (in truth I don’t think that ever goes away), I just find myself questioning it now. Embracing imperfection has taught me to ask myself “why”. Why do I do what I do when I do it?
Paul
I’ve always been enamored with the Apostle Paul. The prolific biblical figure that wrote half of the New Testament. Everything about him enthralls me. His transformation from Saul, the road to Damascus and his literal come to Jesus moment. The way he went from murdering Christians, to leading a ministry that brought Christianity to the world, his intimate letters, and his bold introspection. Above all what I think gravitates me the most, is his willingness to embrace his imperfection. Romans 7 is a masterclass on my new found realization. In Romans 7:21 Paul sums it up as this.
“I have discovered this principle of life — that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.”
Chase vs. Embrace
As I chased perfection I found less fault within myself and more fault within others, as I’ve embraced imperfection I see the wounds in my life which stimulates the compassion and empathy needed to better understand wounds in others. I lead better, I have better tough conversations, and I set better boundaries. What I’ve found to be really interesting is that my inward embrace of imperfection has brought along clarity for what is for me, and what is not for me. Where there used to be grey areas, I am more decisive now, I know what I want, and I have learned the ability to truly self-actualize to attain it.
Unlearning Self Actualization
Self-actualization is a term that I’ve always used, but as I dissected it’s meaning through the lens of embracing imperfection. I realized in order for self-actualization to lead to empowerment it has to have two key ingredients: self-correctivness and grace. Embracing imperfection gives you the opportunity when you self-actualize to ask why. I never practiced that. What I’m unlearning about self-actualization, is that in the past when it showed up in my life, it always led me to finding fault in others instead of the imperfection within myself. It led to false pretenses that often labeled me the victim, and placed the closest people to me on trial.
Poor self-actualization leads to a victim mentality, which then leads to a mountain of evidence, and a guilty verdict without due process for everyone except for you. The chasm is stark, and it has changed the way that I approach every aspect of my life.
Kintsugi
The crux of embracing imperfection is the heart behind my newest tattoo, the words Kintsugi are in small 1.5in letters on the inside of my calf. It’s a daily reminder of the Japanese art form that dates back to the 15th century. Where broken pottery was made into new art by incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, by filling its cracks with gold. The art of embracing imperfection is a beautiful microcosm of my new found realization.
Words To Act On
Instead of sabotaging my truth with misplaced perfection. I’m learning to look within, to embrace what’s inside by asking why. To find joy in the process of true self-actualization, that leads to more truth, and more grace, and less indictments on the people I love the most.
Kintsugi is to art what I hope this post is to you. The imperfect made perfect — not by force, but by embrace and grace.
This blog post is an ode to my God and my therapist, both refuse to let me stay stagnant, both ask me the tough questions, and give me grace and time to figure out the tough answers. Gratitude fills my heart when I think of both of you.
